Standing Between Me and Dar

Only 14 days stand between me and Dar es Salaam. Needless to say they will possibly be the most stressful 14 days of my life as 4 final exams also stand within these days. BUT here's the beauty of God's plan, "Dar es Salaam" literally translates to "The abode of peace." So of course I am stressed and currently surviving off of free food and caffeine. Of course I am worried about 4 exams and their importance in my career. I say of course because I know I am being prepared to see the world differently. I wonder How different I will see the world from the Abode of peace?

The other day I watched a beautiful movie by HBO called "Mary and Martha" about a woman who leaves her husband in America and takes their son to Mozambique for 4 weeks. While there he contracts Malaria and dies within a day of showing symptoms. This of course destroys her life and but she returns to Mozambique to find her peace. While there she runs into a woman who lost her 22 year old son to Malaria. As the story goes on the woman work to help raise funds to buy mosquito nets and malaria medication for thousands of people in Mozambique. There is a line in a the movie that states "Did you know that if you take every single person killed in a terrorist act around the world in the last 20 years and you add to that all the lives lost in the middle east since 1967 and you add to that every American life lost is Vietnam, Korea, and every American engagement since then (Iraq, Afghanistan) and then you multiply that number times two - that is the number of children that die of Malaria Every Single Year."

If this fact doesn't hit you somewhere in your heart, you might be a lost cause.
Wondering what you could do to help? http://www.malarianomore.org/ this is a great cause that the movie was based on. we live in a world where 660,000 children are dying from a treatable virus and I'm worried about an exam? whats wrong with this picture.





A lot of people ask me if I'm scared or nervous to leave this last week. and this made me realize I'm more afraid of not going. That sounds weird and I don't know exactly how to explain it. I think what I am trying to say is that I am afraid of not being fully in the moment while I'm there, that a part of me will want to be back here. I've never traveled or been completely off the grid before and I just want to take full advantage of completely letting go of here. Caring about exams, about rent, about what I will eat next, about boys or lack their of. I want to find peace, I want to fully thrive in the abode of peace. 

I write all of this while studying at a local cafe sitting across from my beautiful friend Melanie Rose who just made me cry thinking about all of my friends that I will miss while I'm gone :(

Vaccines and Grace

Woke up this morning with an allergic reaction to my Yellow Fever vaccine. The site where the shot was injected has raised and literally looks like Africa on my arm. After getting it checked out the doc said it was okay that I just needed to watch it for a few days. Meanwhile the oral typhoid fever vaccine is running its course through my body and causing wreckage.
 But here is the upside: Most people in Tanzania have never been vaccinated for ANY disease while I am able to get vaccinated for diseases that kill thousands of people yearly. We have a vaccine for THE FLU, while 53,689 people died of the flu in Tanzania in 2011 alone. So like my dad always taught me I "suck it up" and remind myself that my discomfort is considered a luxury in most places.

 This brings me to my other point: Grace. On Sunday April 1st, I was baptized again. I was baptized when I was an infant in my Lutheran church in Jacksonville. And in no way do I undermine the importance of this baptism. I thank God my parents had faith and chose to have me baptized and raised in an awesome church. Lutherans believe baptism signifies the water cleansing an infant of the natural sin we are born with and entering them into the church family. I think the most beautiful image God has set for us is when Jesus chose to be baptized by John the baptist. A man perfect, without sin, chose to be cleansed to show the world that the living water is an image of eternal life through him alone. When I was baptized as a baby, I was rescued from what I didn't even know yet:sin. I think baptism is a reminder of what it is like to be an infant, clean and pure of the worldly ways. Recently I have come to understand my faith in an entirely new light. I have called myself a christian my entire life, I devoted my life to Christ in 10th grade at Young Life camp, but it wasn't until God called me into my darkest hour to show me that I wasn't walking a life with him. I was asking God to come into my life, but why would I want someone perfect to come into my messed up life?! why wouldn't I want to walk with him, holding hands down a path only he knows. Why wouldn't I want to show the world that my imperfect ways are cleansed and I am made new life an infant DAILY through Christ. God has showed me IMMENSE amounts of Grace over the last 5 months. He has filled my life with friendships that show me how he intended for us to love one another. He has showed me that I put another human above him and that I needed to put him above the rest. He has showed me that to walk with him is not to be perfect but to stumble and fall but admit that he has rescued me from this and not my own doings.
Over this last semester I have found refuge in God. I came running to the lord with all of my issues, but I never let him take them away. What drives God insane is continually repenting for the same sins over and over, HE HAS THEM SO LET HIM TAKE THEM. I keep returning back to the same sin because I haven't forgiven myself, or let his Grace BE GOOD ENOUGH.
So, I am washed clean. I am an infant with nothing but a future ahead of me. With nothing but eternal life to look forward to.
Thank you Jesus for new life.

also Thank you for my dear friends Alex, Mel, and Forrest for being there to be a testimony to my life. You guys have been god's hands and feet in my life, showing me daily that I am worth loving and what true friendship is: love.