Serenity.
Courage.
Wisdom.
These are the three traits that I have been attempting to center my life around...well, recently. These three simple words come from a prayer that has brought me much understanding and belonging in a life journey with many rockie roads. Serenity is defined as the state or quality of being serene, calm, or tranquil. When you hear those words, you do not think of me. I have never been called calm and certainly never tranquil. But finding serenity, finding an inner stillness and accepting calmness in a raging world has revealed a great amount to me. In the book of Colossians, Paul tells the people of new faith to let go of their old ways and take up new characteristics that resemble a spiritual life. One of these qualities is gentleness. When I first started studying this scripture it made me really mad. I am NOT a gentle soul. I think the most common describer people give me is blunt, which is very much so the opposite of gentle. How can I become a more gentle person? But in asking for serenity, I have also found gentleness. When I am at peace and actively seeking a tranquil mindset, it is so flippin easy to be gentle. I think about my words before I speak them. I consider the feelings of others before I act. I become gentle by trying to extend my serenity to others. But when I get wound up in things that shouldn't matter, stuff I can't control, work I don't have time to finish, and all the things that hinder me, gentleness and serenity seem far off.
I have spent a lot of my life playing a blame-game, but in searching for the serenity to accept the things I cannot change I remind myself that blame has no place in a tranquil mind and pursuing control will always end in a state of bluntness instead of gentleness.
Tuesday, December 23, 2014
Friday, July 12, 2013
Saying Goodbyes
The taxi pulled up at 1am. I gathered my belongings and turned to hug my family goodbye.
As I pulled away from this small house that I had grown to call home, I began to reflect on these past two months. Over the course of two months I began to take root in Tanzania. Streets that once use to overwhelm me, now felt so calm. People use to stare at me and call out "Mzungu," now speak swahili to me with a friendly smile. The hospital staff know me by name and assign me jobs like one of their own. This country that was once just a mystery to my imagination has become a part of my soul.
Through my work at the hospital I have learned by the "See one, do one, teach one" motto. As I became one of the "old volunteers," it brought me joy to show the new volunteers the ropes at the hospital and watch there nerves slowly break down just as mine had. Saying goodbye to the various hospital staff that I became very close to was one of the saddest moments of the day. As I went from ward to ward taking pictures and saying my goodbyes, I felt genuine joy for the people who had touched my life. Without the work of these people, the poorest of the poor would go without medical care in Tanzania. They could be working at a private hospital, they could be making more money and working with more supplies and better conditions. But instead they work at a government hospital and treat people who seem to have all the odds fighting against them. I know one day I will return here and work side-by-side these men and women.
Through my host family, I have learned the real heart of Tanzanian culture. There were days when I felt like a zoo animal and was so fed up with the way people on the street treated me. But then my host mom, grandma, niece, and sisters would show me how the real heart of Tanzania is made up of people who genuinely care for one another through thick and thin. The night before I left was probably one of my favorite nights at home because the 3 TV channels were all out. So instead we all sat in the living room just talking and laughing. As my sister Carol started to fall asleep, her older sister began switching off all the lights. Then Mama Agata threw a sheet over herself and pretended to be a ghost. Carol awoke screaming and running around the house while we all laughed. It was just simple, pure fun. It was nights doing homework with them, drawing pictures, playing balloon tennis, and tickle fights that I loved the most. It was my Grandma(Bibi) learning how to say Hello and Goodbye in English. It was Mama Agata's chipati and homemade juice. These were the memories I will cherish forever.
My 2nd to last day in Dar was spent with my Young Life family, the Larmeys. They invited me to join their Young Life Africa Committee retreat for the day. My friends Paige, Morgan and Jake from Tallahassee were a part of this committee and it was a real treat to get to see them. We put on an All City Club right across the street from where I live and over 150 kids came. Club was truly astonishing to watch as all of the kids sang and danced to the songs, with no lyrics or sound system or microphone to lead them. They were so full of joy and excitement, it rubbed off on all of us. As I said goodbye to my friends and headed to walk home, many of the committee people asked me if I felt safe walking. This is one of those moments I hope to never forget how I felt exactly right then. I turned and said proudly "Its fine, I'm just walking home." Though I have left Tanzania, it has not left me. A piece of me will always feel at home there. Even through the upsets and frustrations with the vast differences in culture, I became a little more Tanzanian each and every day. Tanzania will be with me always.
As I pulled away from this small house that I had grown to call home, I began to reflect on these past two months. Over the course of two months I began to take root in Tanzania. Streets that once use to overwhelm me, now felt so calm. People use to stare at me and call out "Mzungu," now speak swahili to me with a friendly smile. The hospital staff know me by name and assign me jobs like one of their own. This country that was once just a mystery to my imagination has become a part of my soul.
Through my work at the hospital I have learned by the "See one, do one, teach one" motto. As I became one of the "old volunteers," it brought me joy to show the new volunteers the ropes at the hospital and watch there nerves slowly break down just as mine had. Saying goodbye to the various hospital staff that I became very close to was one of the saddest moments of the day. As I went from ward to ward taking pictures and saying my goodbyes, I felt genuine joy for the people who had touched my life. Without the work of these people, the poorest of the poor would go without medical care in Tanzania. They could be working at a private hospital, they could be making more money and working with more supplies and better conditions. But instead they work at a government hospital and treat people who seem to have all the odds fighting against them. I know one day I will return here and work side-by-side these men and women.
Through my host family, I have learned the real heart of Tanzanian culture. There were days when I felt like a zoo animal and was so fed up with the way people on the street treated me. But then my host mom, grandma, niece, and sisters would show me how the real heart of Tanzania is made up of people who genuinely care for one another through thick and thin. The night before I left was probably one of my favorite nights at home because the 3 TV channels were all out. So instead we all sat in the living room just talking and laughing. As my sister Carol started to fall asleep, her older sister began switching off all the lights. Then Mama Agata threw a sheet over herself and pretended to be a ghost. Carol awoke screaming and running around the house while we all laughed. It was just simple, pure fun. It was nights doing homework with them, drawing pictures, playing balloon tennis, and tickle fights that I loved the most. It was my Grandma(Bibi) learning how to say Hello and Goodbye in English. It was Mama Agata's chipati and homemade juice. These were the memories I will cherish forever.My 2nd to last day in Dar was spent with my Young Life family, the Larmeys. They invited me to join their Young Life Africa Committee retreat for the day. My friends Paige, Morgan and Jake from Tallahassee were a part of this committee and it was a real treat to get to see them. We put on an All City Club right across the street from where I live and over 150 kids came. Club was truly astonishing to watch as all of the kids sang and danced to the songs, with no lyrics or sound system or microphone to lead them. They were so full of joy and excitement, it rubbed off on all of us. As I said goodbye to my friends and headed to walk home, many of the committee people asked me if I felt safe walking. This is one of those moments I hope to never forget how I felt exactly right then. I turned and said proudly "Its fine, I'm just walking home." Though I have left Tanzania, it has not left me. A piece of me will always feel at home there. Even through the upsets and frustrations with the vast differences in culture, I became a little more Tanzanian each and every day. Tanzania will be with me always.
Tuesday, July 2, 2013
Holding Hands
As I watched in horror, a seventeen year old boy with cellulitis covering all of his legs screamed in pain as the nurses cleaned the infection destroying his body. He reached out and I held his hand as he whimpered. His arms and face are one giant karposi's sarcoma. The nurse turned to me and took his hand from mine while whispering to me, "he is positive." Flipping through his chart I was overwhelmed. He has basically lived in the hospital over the last month, as his cellulitis has taken over his ability to walk. His lips are cracked, raw from ulcers consuming his mouth. The opportunistic infections have hit him one after another. As I held his hand and helped the nursing student wrap his legs with bandages that offer no protection, I am hit with the reality of living with HIV. Many of the patients I have seen over the last 8 weeks were positive, but most did not suffer from such visible symptoms such as these. Daniel will probably not see his eighteenth birthday. I quickly excused myself to chai break in the nurses room and let a few tears trickle down.
Before I came to Dar I did my share of research on HIV and in particular how the epidemic hit america in the late 80's. I recently watched a documentary called "How to Survive a Plague" and was shocked to learn so much about how Americans struggled to find care for HIV during this time. Twenty years ago Americans protested to fight HIV, get government funding to do research and provide medicine to those who could not afford it. Seen as a disease brought upon by themselves, many people had little compassion for the largely homosexual population fighting for the cause. It was more shocking to me that twenty years later, much of Africans are fighting the same fight still. Education and research on HIV/AIDS is almost twenty years behind here. When asking my host sisters if they learned about the disease in school they told me they were told to never touch someone with HIV/AIDs because they could contract the disease. This country is still stuck on the toilet seat contamination idea. You could pass out a million condoms to everyone in this city and it wouldn't lessen the pace of this deadly disease. I don't have the answer to this problem.
On sunday I attended the Vineyard church again, taking a few other volunteers and another friend from the hospital. It was awesome to get to listen to Steve Larmey give the sermon. He and his wife are the regional directors of Tanzania. Listening to Steve's message reminded me of a big question I have let linger in my life recently. What is holding me back from an intimate relationship with god? In the old testiment the story of Abraham sacrificing his son Isaac. Isaac was an image of everything earthly to Abraham, he would carry on the family name and create a great nation. Abraham had spent years and years waiting for the promise of his beloved son. And when God finally granted it to him, he asked him to sacrifice his son on an alter, to give up everything he has waited for. Steve put this in perspective by asking us this question, what is God asking me to sacrifice and why? What means the world to me? I think this question has always been pretty hard for me to answer. When I was younger I came to understand my relationships with guys was the answer. Then later I thought it might be my personal image of myself. As I get older, the more I realize the most important thing to me is my success. Grades, my relationship status, how the world perceives me, money, etc. It all sums up to my success. My friend mel put it this way, "what if after four years of studying for medical school, taking the MCAT, getting into the best school in the country, God told you he wanted you to do something else with your life, would you?" That is one scary question.
To bring these two topics together, I have realized that my career goal of working as a doctor and my spiritual mindset can be very contradicting. I want to help the world, but only after I help myself. I want to be established and have my career inline, and then help. No! God is tells me to live EVERYDAY for his glory, not every tomorrow. So maybe I don't have the answer to HIV/AIDS epidemic right now. So I don't have the money to give to the thousands suffering due to their lack of money today. So I am not a physician yet. SO WHAT?! All I have is a hand that can give comfort, clean wounds, and administer antibiotics. SO that is what I will do today. And realizing that this is good enough for god, doing this work in his name, that is the greatest realization of this trip. Instead of focusing on how insignificant my work is.Instead of focusing on the years of learning I have left before I can practice medicine and "make a real impact." Instead of focusing on MY success. I want to focus on the right now, right here that is happening every single second.
Before I came to Dar I did my share of research on HIV and in particular how the epidemic hit america in the late 80's. I recently watched a documentary called "How to Survive a Plague" and was shocked to learn so much about how Americans struggled to find care for HIV during this time. Twenty years ago Americans protested to fight HIV, get government funding to do research and provide medicine to those who could not afford it. Seen as a disease brought upon by themselves, many people had little compassion for the largely homosexual population fighting for the cause. It was more shocking to me that twenty years later, much of Africans are fighting the same fight still. Education and research on HIV/AIDS is almost twenty years behind here. When asking my host sisters if they learned about the disease in school they told me they were told to never touch someone with HIV/AIDs because they could contract the disease. This country is still stuck on the toilet seat contamination idea. You could pass out a million condoms to everyone in this city and it wouldn't lessen the pace of this deadly disease. I don't have the answer to this problem.
On sunday I attended the Vineyard church again, taking a few other volunteers and another friend from the hospital. It was awesome to get to listen to Steve Larmey give the sermon. He and his wife are the regional directors of Tanzania. Listening to Steve's message reminded me of a big question I have let linger in my life recently. What is holding me back from an intimate relationship with god? In the old testiment the story of Abraham sacrificing his son Isaac. Isaac was an image of everything earthly to Abraham, he would carry on the family name and create a great nation. Abraham had spent years and years waiting for the promise of his beloved son. And when God finally granted it to him, he asked him to sacrifice his son on an alter, to give up everything he has waited for. Steve put this in perspective by asking us this question, what is God asking me to sacrifice and why? What means the world to me? I think this question has always been pretty hard for me to answer. When I was younger I came to understand my relationships with guys was the answer. Then later I thought it might be my personal image of myself. As I get older, the more I realize the most important thing to me is my success. Grades, my relationship status, how the world perceives me, money, etc. It all sums up to my success. My friend mel put it this way, "what if after four years of studying for medical school, taking the MCAT, getting into the best school in the country, God told you he wanted you to do something else with your life, would you?" That is one scary question.
To bring these two topics together, I have realized that my career goal of working as a doctor and my spiritual mindset can be very contradicting. I want to help the world, but only after I help myself. I want to be established and have my career inline, and then help. No! God is tells me to live EVERYDAY for his glory, not every tomorrow. So maybe I don't have the answer to HIV/AIDS epidemic right now. So I don't have the money to give to the thousands suffering due to their lack of money today. So I am not a physician yet. SO WHAT?! All I have is a hand that can give comfort, clean wounds, and administer antibiotics. SO that is what I will do today. And realizing that this is good enough for god, doing this work in his name, that is the greatest realization of this trip. Instead of focusing on how insignificant my work is.Instead of focusing on the years of learning I have left before I can practice medicine and "make a real impact." Instead of focusing on MY success. I want to focus on the right now, right here that is happening every single second.
Saturday, June 22, 2013
A culture with 1000 greetings
I finally feel comfortable here in Dar. I know the streets, the shortcuts, the bus routes. I know how much I should pay for a candy bar and where the locals buy the best fruit. I know where its safe to go on a run and how to politely tell people I don't want to purchase any of their products.
Sometimes in Dar I feel like an animal at the zoo. As we walk to work in the morning, the air is filled with people yelling "Mzungu" and asking in very high pitched english "how are you my baby?" "where are you going my baby" "can I take you to my house my baby"
People who I have passed every single day, twice a day, for five weeks still seemed shock to see me. But when I get the chance, I stop and answer their questions and take a few moments to get to know the people around me. A man on the corner sells oranges, he also owns rents a taxi everyday to pick up some more money. However, his three kids that sit with the large orange mound while he is driving the taxi, seem to wear the same clothes everyday and eat very little. The woman who works at the small shop closest to the hospital, she smiles and doesn't call out. I buy my phone minutes from her and she always calls me dr.mzungu (as I am usually wearing the white coat when I pass by).
Inside the hospital, I have met some of the nicest people in Dar. The nursing students are so excited to get to know us and so modest when we ask questions back. This week I spent my time in the woman's medical ward. I have come to feel almost at home in this ward, as the head nurse has started to assign me specific jobs everyday when I arrive. Shamim is a nursing student who was assigned investigations with me on Tuesday. She is nineteen years old and in her 2nd semester of her first year of nursing school. She is very sweet and was very excited to teach me the responsibilities of investigation. This entails drawing blood and urine samples and taking them to the lab. At first I was slightly scared to have this responsibility as I had yet to draw blood on my own. Shamim talked me through the whole process and with my first try I successfully drew blood!
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This patient has severe malaria, hyperglycemia, and swelling in her legs due to a muscle infection. I got to see through out the week as her legs began to return to normal size, her blood glucose lower, and her parasite count go down below 100. It was very rewarding to check her vital signs everyday and see,slowly but surely, as she returned to good health.
I started off this blog with intentions to talk about the culture here in Dar, but I have such a hard time summarizing what it looks like here. The streets are filled with trash, the air is so thick with pollution, and the people are so full of life. The city is like the new york city of Africa. There are roughly 6 million people living in Dar, which is only 614 square miles. Skipped by most tourist, the attention that the color of my skin gets is something I like to call backwards racism. People push us to the front of lines. Taxi drivers see us and try to push us into their cars. When they see me opt to walk or ride a bus, they laugh and are confused.
I miss the comforts of home, the simplicity of getting into my own car and driving it wherever I want with very little traffic and other silly things. But I will miss the greetings, the handshakes, the warmth of the people here. I have perfected the Tanzanian handshake. Unlike american greetings that are usually stiff and last a few moments, Tanzanians shake hands and then continue to hold hands for the rest of the conversation. At first this felt awkward to me, now I love the closeness I feel just holding a simple conversation with one of the doctors. A culture with 1000 ways to say hello and no way to say goodbye.
Sometimes in Dar I feel like an animal at the zoo. As we walk to work in the morning, the air is filled with people yelling "Mzungu" and asking in very high pitched english "how are you my baby?" "where are you going my baby" "can I take you to my house my baby"
People who I have passed every single day, twice a day, for five weeks still seemed shock to see me. But when I get the chance, I stop and answer their questions and take a few moments to get to know the people around me. A man on the corner sells oranges, he also owns rents a taxi everyday to pick up some more money. However, his three kids that sit with the large orange mound while he is driving the taxi, seem to wear the same clothes everyday and eat very little. The woman who works at the small shop closest to the hospital, she smiles and doesn't call out. I buy my phone minutes from her and she always calls me dr.mzungu (as I am usually wearing the white coat when I pass by).
Inside the hospital, I have met some of the nicest people in Dar. The nursing students are so excited to get to know us and so modest when we ask questions back. This week I spent my time in the woman's medical ward. I have come to feel almost at home in this ward, as the head nurse has started to assign me specific jobs everyday when I arrive. Shamim is a nursing student who was assigned investigations with me on Tuesday. She is nineteen years old and in her 2nd semester of her first year of nursing school. She is very sweet and was very excited to teach me the responsibilities of investigation. This entails drawing blood and urine samples and taking them to the lab. At first I was slightly scared to have this responsibility as I had yet to draw blood on my own. Shamim talked me through the whole process and with my first try I successfully drew blood!
.JPG)
I started off this blog with intentions to talk about the culture here in Dar, but I have such a hard time summarizing what it looks like here. The streets are filled with trash, the air is so thick with pollution, and the people are so full of life. The city is like the new york city of Africa. There are roughly 6 million people living in Dar, which is only 614 square miles. Skipped by most tourist, the attention that the color of my skin gets is something I like to call backwards racism. People push us to the front of lines. Taxi drivers see us and try to push us into their cars. When they see me opt to walk or ride a bus, they laugh and are confused.
I miss the comforts of home, the simplicity of getting into my own car and driving it wherever I want with very little traffic and other silly things. But I will miss the greetings, the handshakes, the warmth of the people here. I have perfected the Tanzanian handshake. Unlike american greetings that are usually stiff and last a few moments, Tanzanians shake hands and then continue to hold hands for the rest of the conversation. At first this felt awkward to me, now I love the closeness I feel just holding a simple conversation with one of the doctors. A culture with 1000 ways to say hello and no way to say goodbye.
Monday, June 17, 2013
Halfway
I can't grasp that I have been there for a month already and that I only have less than 4 weeks left.
Every day here brings new surprises.
But for this blog post I will focus on my working experience thus far in greater detail.
As I have mentioned before, I am assigned a weekly rotation that says I should be "working" in a certain ward each week. It also says a doctors name that is suppose to be supervising me. This, however, is not true. I have met only 1 of my supervising doctors since I have been here, in five different wards. The wards I have been assigned to so far were surgical, labor, and pediatrics. I learned very early on that there is no one to check in with or to report to at any of the wards. So if I go to a different ward, it doesn't matter. This might sound odd, why wouldn't I want to go to a certain ward? Well read my post about the labor ward...I have yet to return to it and was suppose to stay there for 2 weeks. The other thing effected by the lack of authority is how the nurses view the volunteers. They seem to see us as annoyances that are in the way of them doing their work. However, most of the time the nurses are sitting at a desk shouting out to the student nurses to be doing the things they should be doing. Basically, in order to be of any help or learn anything I have to walk up to a student nurse in the ward, introduce myself and tell them about projects abroad and why I am there. Then I follow them around for a little bit, asking questions and reading files to fill in the unknowns. If I am lucky, they are super excited to show me stuff and have me assist in whatever they are doing. If I am unlucky, they speak no english. The doctors are, in general, willing to take the time to show us what we should do, but only after we ask and assert ourselves.
Though I have only been assigned to spend time in three wards, I have spent a good amount of time in the mens and womens internal medical wards. As I have mentioned a few times before, these wards are mainly patients suffering from malaria, TB, and other infectious diseases. The days spent in these wards I was shadowing my friend Ben, a nurse volunteering from sweden. Since Ben is already a registered nurse he knows so much more than the student nurses here and sometimes even the registered nurses. He is so great! He has showed me and talked me through placing IVs and giving medications, reading patient files, and placing catheters. I am scheduled to spend a week in internal medicine at the end of my stay but this is Ben's last week here so I will spend this week in internal medicine instead.
Another ward I have spent a few days in, is the minor theatre. This is where people come as outpatients to get wounds dressed or redressed and cleaned, stitches, and the most shocking, circumcision. This is where I did my first stitches as I described previously. This ward is usually where you feel like you are actually doing the most. TO explain the conditions of this small room would never paint the right picture. Patients have to bring all of their own supplies, the only supply the hospital provides is the stitches and the iodine solution. So patients come in with unsterilized gauze and cotton and it is placed in a sterilizer for less than a few minutes, so its not actually sterile. Its just very overwhelming to wrap my head around the inability for a hospital to provide proper supplies for something so simple as cleaning and wrapping a burn wound.
Regardless of which ward I am assigned to, each wednesday I have gone to major theatre (surgery). This week, I watched a man's last three toes get amputated down to his tarsal bones. It was absolutely horrendous. They don't have bone cutters so they were literally using surgical blades that kept breaking inside his foot. The man has gangrene from diabetes and as we left the surgery, the surgeon explained that they would most likely have to come back and amputate his entire foot....so then why didn't they just do that this time...I have no clue. The same day I got to assist in a removal of a hernia. Assisting means I got to hold the tools that were clamped to the skin and to cut the sutures. Afterwards the head surgeon dictated as I wrote in the patient file what happened in the surgery. I came to Tanzania with a few goals, and one of them was to figure out what I might want to specialize in. I think it has become more and more clear that I thoroughly enjoy surgery.
I wish I could explain things much better, but words don't explain the smell, or the constant film of dirt on everything, the yellow of the patients eyes that are dying from cerebral malaria, or the sound of a mother crying for her child.
Every day here brings new surprises.
But for this blog post I will focus on my working experience thus far in greater detail.
As I have mentioned before, I am assigned a weekly rotation that says I should be "working" in a certain ward each week. It also says a doctors name that is suppose to be supervising me. This, however, is not true. I have met only 1 of my supervising doctors since I have been here, in five different wards. The wards I have been assigned to so far were surgical, labor, and pediatrics. I learned very early on that there is no one to check in with or to report to at any of the wards. So if I go to a different ward, it doesn't matter. This might sound odd, why wouldn't I want to go to a certain ward? Well read my post about the labor ward...I have yet to return to it and was suppose to stay there for 2 weeks. The other thing effected by the lack of authority is how the nurses view the volunteers. They seem to see us as annoyances that are in the way of them doing their work. However, most of the time the nurses are sitting at a desk shouting out to the student nurses to be doing the things they should be doing. Basically, in order to be of any help or learn anything I have to walk up to a student nurse in the ward, introduce myself and tell them about projects abroad and why I am there. Then I follow them around for a little bit, asking questions and reading files to fill in the unknowns. If I am lucky, they are super excited to show me stuff and have me assist in whatever they are doing. If I am unlucky, they speak no english. The doctors are, in general, willing to take the time to show us what we should do, but only after we ask and assert ourselves.
Though I have only been assigned to spend time in three wards, I have spent a good amount of time in the mens and womens internal medical wards. As I have mentioned a few times before, these wards are mainly patients suffering from malaria, TB, and other infectious diseases. The days spent in these wards I was shadowing my friend Ben, a nurse volunteering from sweden. Since Ben is already a registered nurse he knows so much more than the student nurses here and sometimes even the registered nurses. He is so great! He has showed me and talked me through placing IVs and giving medications, reading patient files, and placing catheters. I am scheduled to spend a week in internal medicine at the end of my stay but this is Ben's last week here so I will spend this week in internal medicine instead.
Another ward I have spent a few days in, is the minor theatre. This is where people come as outpatients to get wounds dressed or redressed and cleaned, stitches, and the most shocking, circumcision. This is where I did my first stitches as I described previously. This ward is usually where you feel like you are actually doing the most. TO explain the conditions of this small room would never paint the right picture. Patients have to bring all of their own supplies, the only supply the hospital provides is the stitches and the iodine solution. So patients come in with unsterilized gauze and cotton and it is placed in a sterilizer for less than a few minutes, so its not actually sterile. Its just very overwhelming to wrap my head around the inability for a hospital to provide proper supplies for something so simple as cleaning and wrapping a burn wound.
Regardless of which ward I am assigned to, each wednesday I have gone to major theatre (surgery). This week, I watched a man's last three toes get amputated down to his tarsal bones. It was absolutely horrendous. They don't have bone cutters so they were literally using surgical blades that kept breaking inside his foot. The man has gangrene from diabetes and as we left the surgery, the surgeon explained that they would most likely have to come back and amputate his entire foot....so then why didn't they just do that this time...I have no clue. The same day I got to assist in a removal of a hernia. Assisting means I got to hold the tools that were clamped to the skin and to cut the sutures. Afterwards the head surgeon dictated as I wrote in the patient file what happened in the surgery. I came to Tanzania with a few goals, and one of them was to figure out what I might want to specialize in. I think it has become more and more clear that I thoroughly enjoy surgery.
I wish I could explain things much better, but words don't explain the smell, or the constant film of dirt on everything, the yellow of the patients eyes that are dying from cerebral malaria, or the sound of a mother crying for her child.
Monday, June 3, 2013
LIONS AND ZEBRAS AND ELEPHANTS OH MY!
The sun is beginning to set. The ten foot grass reaches above the car as it whips into my face. The bright clay has begun to plaster on my arm. The car jumps up and down, up and down, as we go through the rough terrain. Then suddenly, as if out of midair, a lion crosses the Safari car. We stop dead in our tracks and watch as it disappears into the grass.
This weekend I went on a 3 day safari to the Mikumi national Park along with 9 other volunteers. It was a 5 hour drive from Dar to Mikumi and well worth every penny. The first day we went on a game drive and saw Zebras, Giraffes, Elephants, Impala, Wildebeest, and Hippos. The best was when were about five feet from a group of elephants.
After a five hour drive through the park, the sun began to set and we drove a few miles down the road to our hotel. Woke up early and returned to the park, this time with our hearts set on seeing a lion. However, this is very hard since they are probably one of the most stealth animals and blend in perfectly with the African grass. After driving for another five hours around the park looking at everything, we had given up. When all of a sudden, like I described above, a lion crossed the road! After this one we saw 3 more, getting within 10 feet of them!
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We left and drove 2 hours to Udzungu national park. We checked in to our hotel and met our guide from the park, he took us to a small waterfall about 1/4 of a mile into the park. Then we walked 20 minutes down the road from the park entrance to visit the local village. This was so different from Dar. The people saw us and stared but no one tried to sell us anything or put us into their taxi. Instead the locals shouted "Mumbo!" and smiled as we toured. Small children ran through the streets behind us and the smell of roasting chicken filled the air. Now this is the Africa I envisioned. We returned to the hotel to have dinner. Our guide bought us a round of wine and Konyagi, a locally stilled gin that is very inexpensive but pleasant to drink. The wine was also from a local winery called Dudoma. It was nice treat to sit and enjoy the company of the 9 other volunteers. Our conversation always turns into comparing the different countries we represent, on this trip we had Denmark, United States, United Kingdom, Sweden, and Australia. We laughed and talked until we were all too exhausted.
The next morning we woke up early again to begin our day of hiking. We climbed 3.2 km to the top of the 500 foot Sanje Waterfall inside the national park. It felt truly amazing to stand and look out on the beauty of this country. I loved this hike especially because after spending the last three weeks feeling fairly distant and lost in the crowd, it was so amazing to feel at one with God and his beautiful creation.
We then hiked back down to the base of the waterfall and did some swimming and jumping off rocks. It was absolutely the best weekend of the summer so far.
I have experienced so much at the hospital these last two weeks as well. I wish everyday was spent as happy as I was standing on top of that waterfall but the reality is, work the last week was especially saddening. I was scheduled to work in the labor ward this past week. On monday I reported to the ward and dawned on my scrubs to prepare to help with the miracle of birth. My expectations were soon crushed when I realized the majority of the time in labor is spent sitting around waiting for the women to be ready. You would be sitting or checking dilation stages, feeling somewhat bored, and then the next five or six woman would all have their babies at once! But the standards of the hospital don't allow for all the woman to have ultrasounds, as they pay for them out of pocket. In the five hours I was in the labor ward, two babies were born with their cords wrapped around their head and were unable to breathe for too long. I have never been so sad so quickly. In america, they would have had an emergency Cesarian section birth and the babies would have been born completely health. As well another baby was born a month premature and his lungs were not developed enough. He entered the world only for a few moments before returning to our creator. As if this was heartbreaking enough, after the babies passed away, they were wrapped in their blankets and simply placed in a container that was kept under the weight station while their mothers recovered. I couldn't stand working there knowing this. I left the ward and excused myself to an early lunch. The next day was a lot of the same. By Wednesday I was too sad and couldn't face another day of labor. So I returned to the major theatre, surgical ward. I watched and helped assist in six surgeries. Right before we left for lunch though, a pregnant woman came to the surgical ward to have a Cesarian section birth after being in labor for 3 days.When the baby was pulled out, it was wrapped in its cord as well. After 2 of the longest moments of my life I watched as he took his first breathes and began to breathe on his own. I realized that this was something I could not run from or hide. Death is a natural part of this world and it hurts us who remain here after. But laying in bed that night I realized how amazing it was that these babies would never known the pain, sin, and evil that is in this world, they will only know the glory of God and the beauty of heaven.
To contrast all of this, I had the great pleasure to miss work on thursday to do a volunteer outreach day with the other Projects Abroad volunteers. One of the girls, Kiera, works at an orphanage about 30 minutes outside of Dar. We took her orphanage to the beach and it was the most rewarding experience I have had thus far. The kids didn't want anything from us other than our attention. They clung to me and were happy just being held. So we swam, ran, jumped, ate lunch, and basked in the sun. No language barrier could keep us from sharing joy together. This was the perfect way to start my long weekend on Safari and a great reminder as to why I came to here.
This weekend I went on a 3 day safari to the Mikumi national Park along with 9 other volunteers. It was a 5 hour drive from Dar to Mikumi and well worth every penny. The first day we went on a game drive and saw Zebras, Giraffes, Elephants, Impala, Wildebeest, and Hippos. The best was when were about five feet from a group of elephants.
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| Elephants in Mikumi National Park |
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We left and drove 2 hours to Udzungu national park. We checked in to our hotel and met our guide from the park, he took us to a small waterfall about 1/4 of a mile into the park. Then we walked 20 minutes down the road from the park entrance to visit the local village. This was so different from Dar. The people saw us and stared but no one tried to sell us anything or put us into their taxi. Instead the locals shouted "Mumbo!" and smiled as we toured. Small children ran through the streets behind us and the smell of roasting chicken filled the air. Now this is the Africa I envisioned. We returned to the hotel to have dinner. Our guide bought us a round of wine and Konyagi, a locally stilled gin that is very inexpensive but pleasant to drink. The wine was also from a local winery called Dudoma. It was nice treat to sit and enjoy the company of the 9 other volunteers. Our conversation always turns into comparing the different countries we represent, on this trip we had Denmark, United States, United Kingdom, Sweden, and Australia. We laughed and talked until we were all too exhausted.
The next morning we woke up early again to begin our day of hiking. We climbed 3.2 km to the top of the 500 foot Sanje Waterfall inside the national park. It felt truly amazing to stand and look out on the beauty of this country. I loved this hike especially because after spending the last three weeks feeling fairly distant and lost in the crowd, it was so amazing to feel at one with God and his beautiful creation.
I have experienced so much at the hospital these last two weeks as well. I wish everyday was spent as happy as I was standing on top of that waterfall but the reality is, work the last week was especially saddening. I was scheduled to work in the labor ward this past week. On monday I reported to the ward and dawned on my scrubs to prepare to help with the miracle of birth. My expectations were soon crushed when I realized the majority of the time in labor is spent sitting around waiting for the women to be ready. You would be sitting or checking dilation stages, feeling somewhat bored, and then the next five or six woman would all have their babies at once! But the standards of the hospital don't allow for all the woman to have ultrasounds, as they pay for them out of pocket. In the five hours I was in the labor ward, two babies were born with their cords wrapped around their head and were unable to breathe for too long. I have never been so sad so quickly. In america, they would have had an emergency Cesarian section birth and the babies would have been born completely health. As well another baby was born a month premature and his lungs were not developed enough. He entered the world only for a few moments before returning to our creator. As if this was heartbreaking enough, after the babies passed away, they were wrapped in their blankets and simply placed in a container that was kept under the weight station while their mothers recovered. I couldn't stand working there knowing this. I left the ward and excused myself to an early lunch. The next day was a lot of the same. By Wednesday I was too sad and couldn't face another day of labor. So I returned to the major theatre, surgical ward. I watched and helped assist in six surgeries. Right before we left for lunch though, a pregnant woman came to the surgical ward to have a Cesarian section birth after being in labor for 3 days.When the baby was pulled out, it was wrapped in its cord as well. After 2 of the longest moments of my life I watched as he took his first breathes and began to breathe on his own. I realized that this was something I could not run from or hide. Death is a natural part of this world and it hurts us who remain here after. But laying in bed that night I realized how amazing it was that these babies would never known the pain, sin, and evil that is in this world, they will only know the glory of God and the beauty of heaven.
To contrast all of this, I had the great pleasure to miss work on thursday to do a volunteer outreach day with the other Projects Abroad volunteers. One of the girls, Kiera, works at an orphanage about 30 minutes outside of Dar. We took her orphanage to the beach and it was the most rewarding experience I have had thus far. The kids didn't want anything from us other than our attention. They clung to me and were happy just being held. So we swam, ran, jumped, ate lunch, and basked in the sun. No language barrier could keep us from sharing joy together. This was the perfect way to start my long weekend on Safari and a great reminder as to why I came to here.
Saturday, May 25, 2013
Mumbo!!!
Hello world
I am sorry it has taken me so long to be able to post but I have very limited Internet access. I'm typing this from my roommate's iPad. I'm working on getting a portable modem to use with my laptop in the next week.
Let me paint a picture for you: you are walking down a road that is made of potholes and as you pass people they're eyes are locked on you the entire time. They mumble and sometimes shout "mazungo" which translates to "white person" or "European" and they're eyes do not leave you even when you are out of sight. The main road is full of busy busses that are old 12 passenger vans turned into public transportation filled with 50 plus people at all times. As you walk out to signal you wish to get on, the people are shocked. A few stops down you yell out "shosha" (stop) and suddenly the stairs triple because no one expects you to know a word of Kiswahili.
This is called 8am.
The hospital I work is called mwanayamala. Translated this means "baby don't cry" ironically as it is always filled with crying babies. The level of sanitation is probably the most concerning aspect of the hospital. There is only a few air conditioned areas so the rest of the hospital is cooled by open windows, which allows the many flies to contaminate the wounds that are left open between nurses caring for the hundred or so patients in each ward
In the last week and a half I have learned so much. On my first day at the hospital I did rounds with the surgery medical students. There is roughly 30 of them that are completing a part of their rotations at the hospital. During rounds we go to each patient in the surgery ward and go over there condition and treatment. However this means undressing their wounds and leaving it undressed for up to a hour. The patients are cleaned and redressed after all of rounds are completed.
During this I met two UK doctors that are here doing an elective. During lunch break we decided to go down to the minor theatre, which is where patients with minor wounds and issues are seen. The nurse working had a list of over 100 patients he was suppose to see that day, which didn't include the emergency patients that came through. After the qualified UK doctors were willing to assist the nurse, he left us to run the ward ourselves. We went through all 100 patients and 5 or 6 emergency patients. The one patient that remains in my memory is a man that came in at noon with open gashes covering his head. He had a gash on his lip that was so deep, the septum under his nasal cavity was open. All three of us worked on him for over a hour. I did my first stitches on his head, directed by the UK doctors.
He was drunk and couldn't afford to buy a syringe for us to inject some local lidocaine, so I was literally pinning him down to prevent him from moving everywhere.
On Wednesday and Thursdays they do major surgeries. So clad in my scrubs and crocs, I watched surgeries for 6 hours each day. Many removals of hernias and Caesarian sections, and two thyroid removals. The surgeons are very willing to teach during the surgeries and let us scrub in to assist whenever we want. The atmosphere is light and happy, many of the surgeons wanted to know a lot about me as we worked. The anesthesiologist first told me I was old and should be married already. But the next day he told me we were getting married and now calls me "my baby" every time I see him! But I think his true intentions is for me to give him my scrubs when I leave, as they were all auctioning them off.
Next week I am working in the labor ward which should be very exciting and apparently very hands on.
My family is AMAZING. My sisters are Careen (age 10) and Carol (age 6). The speak very good English. Which is very fortunate because the grandmother who takes care of the hours doesn't speak any English. When I first got here my house mother wasn't here because she is a doctor at a hospital very far away. But she came home about 6 days ago and has really been the most welcoming person I've ever met. Her food is really good compared to the food many of the other volunteers. I have struggled with being a picky eater my whole life and I made a promise to myself I would eat any thing in front of me. As I've done that, I've eaten eggs for breakfast most days which I've struggled my whole life to like. Three days later and I woke up craving them! Lunch is mostly rice, beans, a meat, and vegetables. Dinner is similar. The fruit is amazing though because it is always so fresh. I eat fish off the bones most meals which I would normally never wold have eaten in America.
We now have 3 volunteers staying here and l am so thankful for them because traveling and doing all of this with someone else is much better.
Today I went to the beach all day. Just a little taste of home. The other volunteers range from places all over, many from Denmark and England. I'm one of the older people here because many of them are on gap years after high school.
There is still so much to say but I'm hogging the little Internet we have. Next weekend I'm going on safari and will for sure have a post after that. Hope everyone is well in America and soaking up their summer. Oh by the way, I had a woman tell me I looked like I had lived in Africa for much longer than two weeks because I was much tanner than most "mazungos"....best compliment ever.
I am sorry it has taken me so long to be able to post but I have very limited Internet access. I'm typing this from my roommate's iPad. I'm working on getting a portable modem to use with my laptop in the next week.
Let me paint a picture for you: you are walking down a road that is made of potholes and as you pass people they're eyes are locked on you the entire time. They mumble and sometimes shout "mazungo" which translates to "white person" or "European" and they're eyes do not leave you even when you are out of sight. The main road is full of busy busses that are old 12 passenger vans turned into public transportation filled with 50 plus people at all times. As you walk out to signal you wish to get on, the people are shocked. A few stops down you yell out "shosha" (stop) and suddenly the stairs triple because no one expects you to know a word of Kiswahili.
This is called 8am.
The hospital I work is called mwanayamala. Translated this means "baby don't cry" ironically as it is always filled with crying babies. The level of sanitation is probably the most concerning aspect of the hospital. There is only a few air conditioned areas so the rest of the hospital is cooled by open windows, which allows the many flies to contaminate the wounds that are left open between nurses caring for the hundred or so patients in each ward
In the last week and a half I have learned so much. On my first day at the hospital I did rounds with the surgery medical students. There is roughly 30 of them that are completing a part of their rotations at the hospital. During rounds we go to each patient in the surgery ward and go over there condition and treatment. However this means undressing their wounds and leaving it undressed for up to a hour. The patients are cleaned and redressed after all of rounds are completed.
During this I met two UK doctors that are here doing an elective. During lunch break we decided to go down to the minor theatre, which is where patients with minor wounds and issues are seen. The nurse working had a list of over 100 patients he was suppose to see that day, which didn't include the emergency patients that came through. After the qualified UK doctors were willing to assist the nurse, he left us to run the ward ourselves. We went through all 100 patients and 5 or 6 emergency patients. The one patient that remains in my memory is a man that came in at noon with open gashes covering his head. He had a gash on his lip that was so deep, the septum under his nasal cavity was open. All three of us worked on him for over a hour. I did my first stitches on his head, directed by the UK doctors.
On Wednesday and Thursdays they do major surgeries. So clad in my scrubs and crocs, I watched surgeries for 6 hours each day. Many removals of hernias and Caesarian sections, and two thyroid removals. The surgeons are very willing to teach during the surgeries and let us scrub in to assist whenever we want. The atmosphere is light and happy, many of the surgeons wanted to know a lot about me as we worked. The anesthesiologist first told me I was old and should be married already. But the next day he told me we were getting married and now calls me "my baby" every time I see him! But I think his true intentions is for me to give him my scrubs when I leave, as they were all auctioning them off.
Next week I am working in the labor ward which should be very exciting and apparently very hands on.
My family is AMAZING. My sisters are Careen (age 10) and Carol (age 6). The speak very good English. Which is very fortunate because the grandmother who takes care of the hours doesn't speak any English. When I first got here my house mother wasn't here because she is a doctor at a hospital very far away. But she came home about 6 days ago and has really been the most welcoming person I've ever met. Her food is really good compared to the food many of the other volunteers. I have struggled with being a picky eater my whole life and I made a promise to myself I would eat any thing in front of me. As I've done that, I've eaten eggs for breakfast most days which I've struggled my whole life to like. Three days later and I woke up craving them! Lunch is mostly rice, beans, a meat, and vegetables. Dinner is similar. The fruit is amazing though because it is always so fresh. I eat fish off the bones most meals which I would normally never wold have eaten in America.
We now have 3 volunteers staying here and l am so thankful for them because traveling and doing all of this with someone else is much better.
Today I went to the beach all day. Just a little taste of home. The other volunteers range from places all over, many from Denmark and England. I'm one of the older people here because many of them are on gap years after high school.
There is still so much to say but I'm hogging the little Internet we have. Next weekend I'm going on safari and will for sure have a post after that. Hope everyone is well in America and soaking up their summer. Oh by the way, I had a woman tell me I looked like I had lived in Africa for much longer than two weeks because I was much tanner than most "mazungos"....best compliment ever.
Sunday, May 12, 2013
Today is the Day!
wow! Today is actually may 12th.
In 10 hours I will get on a plane and start my 24 hour trip to Tanzania.
I leave Jacksonville for NYC, NYC to Istanbul, Istanbul to Dar es Salaam. I will arrive in Dar at 2:45am local time. which, by the way, is 7 hours ahead of Jacksonville time. I will then be transported via the Projects Abroad staff to my host family home.
I have to think this way, in facts.
The plane ride to NYC is 2.5 hours, to Istanbul it is 10.5 hours, and to Dar it is 8.5 hours.
All I know about my family is this: "Agata works at Ministry of Helth. Lives with her husband Basil who is a business man. Their Daughters Careen and Carolyn."
All I know about their home is this: "The house is near the Projects abroad offica and Mlimani city,shopping and cinema centre of Dar Es Salaam.It is about 30 minutes to our office."
There is still so much unknown.
I am ready to start this journey. I am ready to learn a language I have never heard. I am ready to learn how to aid the people through medicine. I am ready.
In 10 hours I will get on a plane and start my 24 hour trip to Tanzania.
I leave Jacksonville for NYC, NYC to Istanbul, Istanbul to Dar es Salaam. I will arrive in Dar at 2:45am local time. which, by the way, is 7 hours ahead of Jacksonville time. I will then be transported via the Projects Abroad staff to my host family home.
I have to think this way, in facts.
The plane ride to NYC is 2.5 hours, to Istanbul it is 10.5 hours, and to Dar it is 8.5 hours.
All I know about my family is this: "Agata works at Ministry of Helth. Lives with her husband Basil who is a business man. Their Daughters Careen and Carolyn."
All I know about their home is this: "The house is near the Projects abroad offica and Mlimani city,shopping and cinema centre of Dar Es Salaam.It is about 30 minutes to our office."
There is still so much unknown.
I am ready to start this journey. I am ready to learn a language I have never heard. I am ready to learn how to aid the people through medicine. I am ready.
Sunday, April 28, 2013
Standing Between Me and Dar
Only 14 days stand between me and Dar es Salaam. Needless to say they will possibly be the most stressful 14 days of my life as 4 final exams also stand within these days. BUT here's the beauty of God's plan, "Dar es Salaam" literally translates to "The abode of peace." So of course I am stressed and currently surviving off of free food and caffeine. Of course I am worried about 4 exams and their importance in my career. I say of course because I know I am being prepared to see the world differently. I wonder How different I will see the world from the Abode of peace?
The other day I watched a beautiful movie by HBO called "Mary and Martha" about a woman who leaves her husband in America and takes their son to Mozambique for 4 weeks. While there he contracts Malaria and dies within a day of showing symptoms. This of course destroys her life and but she returns to Mozambique to find her peace. While there she runs into a woman who lost her 22 year old son to Malaria. As the story goes on the woman work to help raise funds to buy mosquito nets and malaria medication for thousands of people in Mozambique. There is a line in a the movie that states "Did you know that if you take every single person killed in a terrorist act around the world in the last 20 years and you add to that all the lives lost in the middle east since 1967 and you add to that every American life lost is Vietnam, Korea, and every American engagement since then (Iraq, Afghanistan) and then you multiply that number times two - that is the number of children that die of Malaria Every Single Year."
If this fact doesn't hit you somewhere in your heart, you might be a lost cause.
Wondering what you could do to help? http://www.malarianomore.org/ this is a great cause that the movie was based on. we live in a world where 660,000 children are dying from a treatable virus and I'm worried about an exam? whats wrong with this picture.
A lot of people ask me if I'm scared or nervous to leave this last week. and this made me realize I'm more afraid of not going. That sounds weird and I don't know exactly how to explain it. I think what I am trying to say is that I am afraid of not being fully in the moment while I'm there, that a part of me will want to be back here. I've never traveled or been completely off the grid before and I just want to take full advantage of completely letting go of here. Caring about exams, about rent, about what I will eat next, about boys or lack their of. I want to find peace, I want to fully thrive in the abode of peace.
I write all of this while studying at a local cafe sitting across from my beautiful friend Melanie Rose who just made me cry thinking about all of my friends that I will miss while I'm gone :(
Thursday, April 4, 2013
Vaccines and Grace
Woke up this morning with an allergic reaction to my Yellow Fever vaccine. The site where the shot was injected has raised and literally looks like Africa on my arm. After getting it checked out the doc said it was okay that I just needed to watch it for a few days. Meanwhile the oral typhoid fever vaccine is running its course through my body and causing wreckage.
But here is the upside: Most people in Tanzania have never been vaccinated for ANY disease while I am able to get vaccinated for diseases that kill thousands of people yearly. We have a vaccine for THE FLU, while 53,689 people died of the flu in Tanzania in 2011 alone. So like my dad always taught me I "suck it up" and remind myself that my discomfort is considered a luxury in most places.
This brings me to my other point: Grace. On Sunday April 1st, I was baptized again. I was baptized when I was an infant in my Lutheran church in Jacksonville. And in no way do I undermine the importance of this baptism. I thank God my parents had faith and chose to have me baptized and raised in an awesome church. Lutherans believe baptism signifies the water cleansing an infant of the natural sin we are born with and entering them into the church family. I think the most beautiful image God has set for us is when Jesus chose to be baptized by John the baptist. A man perfect, without sin, chose to be cleansed to show the world that the living water is an image of eternal life through him alone. When I was baptized as a baby, I was rescued from what I didn't even know yet:sin. I think baptism is a reminder of what it is like to be an infant, clean and pure of the worldly ways. Recently I have come to understand my faith in an entirely new light. I have called myself a christian my entire life, I devoted my life to Christ in 10th grade at Young Life camp, but it wasn't until God called me into my darkest hour to show me that I wasn't walking a life with him. I was asking God to come into my life, but why would I want someone perfect to come into my messed up life?! why wouldn't I want to walk with him, holding hands down a path only he knows. Why wouldn't I want to show the world that my imperfect ways are cleansed and I am made new life an infant DAILY through Christ. God has showed me IMMENSE amounts of Grace over the last 5 months. He has filled my life with friendships that show me how he intended for us to love one another. He has showed me that I put another human above him and that I needed to put him above the rest. He has showed me that to walk with him is not to be perfect but to stumble and fall but admit that he has rescued me from this and not my own doings.
Over this last semester I have found refuge in God. I came running to the lord with all of my issues, but I never let him take them away. What drives God insane is continually repenting for the same sins over and over, HE HAS THEM SO LET HIM TAKE THEM. I keep returning back to the same sin because I haven't forgiven myself, or let his Grace BE GOOD ENOUGH.
So, I am washed clean. I am an infant with nothing but a future ahead of me. With nothing but eternal life to look forward to.
Thank you Jesus for new life.
also Thank you for my dear friends Alex, Mel, and Forrest for being there to be a testimony to my life. You guys have been god's hands and feet in my life, showing me daily that I am worth loving and what true friendship is: love.
But here is the upside: Most people in Tanzania have never been vaccinated for ANY disease while I am able to get vaccinated for diseases that kill thousands of people yearly. We have a vaccine for THE FLU, while 53,689 people died of the flu in Tanzania in 2011 alone. So like my dad always taught me I "suck it up" and remind myself that my discomfort is considered a luxury in most places.
This brings me to my other point: Grace. On Sunday April 1st, I was baptized again. I was baptized when I was an infant in my Lutheran church in Jacksonville. And in no way do I undermine the importance of this baptism. I thank God my parents had faith and chose to have me baptized and raised in an awesome church. Lutherans believe baptism signifies the water cleansing an infant of the natural sin we are born with and entering them into the church family. I think the most beautiful image God has set for us is when Jesus chose to be baptized by John the baptist. A man perfect, without sin, chose to be cleansed to show the world that the living water is an image of eternal life through him alone. When I was baptized as a baby, I was rescued from what I didn't even know yet:sin. I think baptism is a reminder of what it is like to be an infant, clean and pure of the worldly ways. Recently I have come to understand my faith in an entirely new light. I have called myself a christian my entire life, I devoted my life to Christ in 10th grade at Young Life camp, but it wasn't until God called me into my darkest hour to show me that I wasn't walking a life with him. I was asking God to come into my life, but why would I want someone perfect to come into my messed up life?! why wouldn't I want to walk with him, holding hands down a path only he knows. Why wouldn't I want to show the world that my imperfect ways are cleansed and I am made new life an infant DAILY through Christ. God has showed me IMMENSE amounts of Grace over the last 5 months. He has filled my life with friendships that show me how he intended for us to love one another. He has showed me that I put another human above him and that I needed to put him above the rest. He has showed me that to walk with him is not to be perfect but to stumble and fall but admit that he has rescued me from this and not my own doings.
Over this last semester I have found refuge in God. I came running to the lord with all of my issues, but I never let him take them away. What drives God insane is continually repenting for the same sins over and over, HE HAS THEM SO LET HIM TAKE THEM. I keep returning back to the same sin because I haven't forgiven myself, or let his Grace BE GOOD ENOUGH.
So, I am washed clean. I am an infant with nothing but a future ahead of me. With nothing but eternal life to look forward to.
Thank you Jesus for new life.
also Thank you for my dear friends Alex, Mel, and Forrest for being there to be a testimony to my life. You guys have been god's hands and feet in my life, showing me daily that I am worth loving and what true friendship is: love.
Sunday, February 10, 2013
THREE DAYS: a heart filled with hope
THREE DAYS
72 HOURS
that fact has settled into my heart. I have three days to raise 1800 dollars.
But I think today I will not worry. Because God has today, and tomorrow, and the rest. I will ask of my friends, family, and complete strangers to donate to my cause. I will give my time, my patients, my comfort to change the lives of the people in Tanzania. But in the next 3 days, how can I change the lives surrounding me? I would willing walk away from everything I know and give my life to compete strangers. But here in my little apartment in Tallahassee, Florida, what have I given today? Have I showed someone I love them? Have I acted with grace and kindness to everyone around me? Have I shown humility and lived humbly? I am so eager to run, run away from here and into the arms of the African nation. To live with hopeless abandon. But couldn't I be doing that right now, right here in America. So for the next 3 days, as I ask for everyone else to help me, I challenge myself to act selflessly and humbly. To give back to the world as it gives to me.
If you are reading this and have already donated: thank you for believing in me. For giving whatever you could, and for giving someone in Tanzania the opportunity to have medical attention.
If you are reading this and don't have monetary funds to give: PRAY! please pray for the next 3 days, and the next 3 months as I prepare to run into the arms of beautiful Tanzania. Pray for my host family, Pray for my sanity as I let go of control. Pray for a world that no person goes unseen by a doctor.
72 HOURS
that fact has settled into my heart. I have three days to raise 1800 dollars.
But I think today I will not worry. Because God has today, and tomorrow, and the rest. I will ask of my friends, family, and complete strangers to donate to my cause. I will give my time, my patients, my comfort to change the lives of the people in Tanzania. But in the next 3 days, how can I change the lives surrounding me? I would willing walk away from everything I know and give my life to compete strangers. But here in my little apartment in Tallahassee, Florida, what have I given today? Have I showed someone I love them? Have I acted with grace and kindness to everyone around me? Have I shown humility and lived humbly? I am so eager to run, run away from here and into the arms of the African nation. To live with hopeless abandon. But couldn't I be doing that right now, right here in America. So for the next 3 days, as I ask for everyone else to help me, I challenge myself to act selflessly and humbly. To give back to the world as it gives to me.
If you are reading this and have already donated: thank you for believing in me. For giving whatever you could, and for giving someone in Tanzania the opportunity to have medical attention.
If you are reading this and don't have monetary funds to give: PRAY! please pray for the next 3 days, and the next 3 months as I prepare to run into the arms of beautiful Tanzania. Pray for my host family, Pray for my sanity as I let go of control. Pray for a world that no person goes unseen by a doctor.
Thursday, January 17, 2013
Halfway there
ALMOST HALFWAY FUNDED!
It's a little over three months away and I am almost half way funded. The generosity of the people who I have called upon to support me has been immense! People from my home church, relatives, and friends have given what they can. Everyday I run to my mail box after classes and continue to receive more donations. Each time I smile like a little girl on Christmas day.
"God is going to provide" has been my mantra. and he sure has!
Last week was my birthday and I celebrated by booking my flight. Its starting to feel real, with every step I get closer to leaving I feel this sense of overwhelming joy building inside of me. I imagine it feeling like being pregnant and waiting 9 months to meet the baby you have growing inside of you. I only have to wait 3 more months to meet the family and place I will call home for 2 months. To walk the streets of the place I have been dreaming of going to for years. To help the sick! To begin my work fighting aids!
I've spent the last week running around trying to figure out where I'm going to live next year. I've worried about closet space, kitchen sizes, bedroom layouts, and number of bathrooms. But how fortunate am I to even get the choice in where I live. To be able to have a flushing toilet. To have a roof over my head. If the world has taught me anything so far, its that the stress we have is much greater than the reality surrounding us. Stress is deceiving and poisonous. My god, he takes my stress away and fills me to the brim with joy. God is going to provide.
If you are reading this and you have donated, thank you so much. The people of Tanzania need our help, and you have done just this through your donation.
If you are reading this and wonder how you could help me but maybe don't have money, please pray for me. Please pray for my mission and the people I will be living with and my preparations for going.
If you are interested in donating http://www.myprojectsabroad.org/fundraising/56164. Use password "iALRDW".
Until the next time,
Sarah
It's a little over three months away and I am almost half way funded. The generosity of the people who I have called upon to support me has been immense! People from my home church, relatives, and friends have given what they can. Everyday I run to my mail box after classes and continue to receive more donations. Each time I smile like a little girl on Christmas day.
"God is going to provide" has been my mantra. and he sure has!
Last week was my birthday and I celebrated by booking my flight. Its starting to feel real, with every step I get closer to leaving I feel this sense of overwhelming joy building inside of me. I imagine it feeling like being pregnant and waiting 9 months to meet the baby you have growing inside of you. I only have to wait 3 more months to meet the family and place I will call home for 2 months. To walk the streets of the place I have been dreaming of going to for years. To help the sick! To begin my work fighting aids!
I've spent the last week running around trying to figure out where I'm going to live next year. I've worried about closet space, kitchen sizes, bedroom layouts, and number of bathrooms. But how fortunate am I to even get the choice in where I live. To be able to have a flushing toilet. To have a roof over my head. If the world has taught me anything so far, its that the stress we have is much greater than the reality surrounding us. Stress is deceiving and poisonous. My god, he takes my stress away and fills me to the brim with joy. God is going to provide.
If you are reading this and you have donated, thank you so much. The people of Tanzania need our help, and you have done just this through your donation.
If you are reading this and wonder how you could help me but maybe don't have money, please pray for me. Please pray for my mission and the people I will be living with and my preparations for going.
If you are interested in donating http://www.myprojectsabroad.org/fundraising/56164. Use password "iALRDW".
Until the next time,
Sarah
Thursday, December 6, 2012
Take me back to California
All of the planning is causing me to reminisce on some of the cool stuff I've gotten to do in the past.
But today I'm really thinking about Yosemite.
I first went to Yosemite the summer of 2005 with my two sisters and dad. We drove across America on a month long trip, stopping at every national park along the way. On this trip I would attempt my first Lake Tahoe 100 mile bike ride. and fail. I backpacked the Grand Canyon and did some pretty neat stuff. But what stuck with me was the week we spent in Yosemite Valley. Probably one of the coolest places in the world. Nothing can compare to the views, the vast cliffs, the giant trees, and flowing water. But time was short and we had to move on to our next stop.
My dad has a heart for adventure and a love of the outdoors that I am so thankful he gave to me. So 6 years later when Dad said he wanted to go to Yosemite again, I was all in. This time we would do it a bit different. Amy(my sister), Vicki(my stepmom), Dad, and myself flew to California and drove to Lake Tahoe, Nevada. This time I would successfully finish my first century(100 mile) bike ride. Even greater, I would do it with my Dad, Lyndsey(other sister), and my Granda. My granda was honored as the number one fundraiser for the Leukemia and Lymphoma society's Team in Training who sponsor the ride; riding with him was the greatest honor. Here is a picture of my Lyndsey, Granda, dad and I at the finish line:
The opportunity was one of a lifetime.
We then set off to Yosemite, a half days drive from Tahoe. We spent the first day getting settled into camp and preparing our legs for the next day. Now I am certain that there is a gene in the Schaet blood that makes you want to climb very tall things and feel accomplished. SO naturally in Yosemite, Dad and I wanted to make sure we climbed it all. The most important, half dome. Half dome is about 4700 feet above the valley floor(where you begin the hike) and an 18 mile round trip day hike. EIGHTEEN MILES IN ONE DAY! I won't go into the nitty gritties because I really only want to remember the feeling of standing on top.
That feeling is the greatest feeling. I've felt it a few times but nothing compared to Half Dome. You look around and see the world how God intended it to be, pure. and you are all a part of the image.
Wow what a great euphoria, and I can't wait to experience it at a whole new level on top of Mt.Kilimanjaro.
But today I'm really thinking about Yosemite.
I first went to Yosemite the summer of 2005 with my two sisters and dad. We drove across America on a month long trip, stopping at every national park along the way. On this trip I would attempt my first Lake Tahoe 100 mile bike ride. and fail. I backpacked the Grand Canyon and did some pretty neat stuff. But what stuck with me was the week we spent in Yosemite Valley. Probably one of the coolest places in the world. Nothing can compare to the views, the vast cliffs, the giant trees, and flowing water. But time was short and we had to move on to our next stop.
My dad has a heart for adventure and a love of the outdoors that I am so thankful he gave to me. So 6 years later when Dad said he wanted to go to Yosemite again, I was all in. This time we would do it a bit different. Amy(my sister), Vicki(my stepmom), Dad, and myself flew to California and drove to Lake Tahoe, Nevada. This time I would successfully finish my first century(100 mile) bike ride. Even greater, I would do it with my Dad, Lyndsey(other sister), and my Granda. My granda was honored as the number one fundraiser for the Leukemia and Lymphoma society's Team in Training who sponsor the ride; riding with him was the greatest honor. Here is a picture of my Lyndsey, Granda, dad and I at the finish line:
We then set off to Yosemite, a half days drive from Tahoe. We spent the first day getting settled into camp and preparing our legs for the next day. Now I am certain that there is a gene in the Schaet blood that makes you want to climb very tall things and feel accomplished. SO naturally in Yosemite, Dad and I wanted to make sure we climbed it all. The most important, half dome. Half dome is about 4700 feet above the valley floor(where you begin the hike) and an 18 mile round trip day hike. EIGHTEEN MILES IN ONE DAY! I won't go into the nitty gritties because I really only want to remember the feeling of standing on top.
Wow what a great euphoria, and I can't wait to experience it at a whole new level on top of Mt.Kilimanjaro.
Thursday, November 29, 2012
First Decision
I have decided to do my internship in Dar es Salaam.
I am naturally a pretty decisive person, but in light of recent events I have become somewhat insecure I guess about my decision making. This decision has been the first I've made in a long time that I feel 100% confident about. Dar is a large city, but it is the safest in all of east Africa. In Dar I will be able to experience the true culture of Tanzania. But imagine you came to America and visited only New York City, you would never see the beaches in south Florida or the Mountains in Colorado. So I decided the best way to get a taste of both worlds of Africa, the nature and the culture, is to travel to Arusha after my internship is complete. The intention of this being to climb Mt.Kilimanjaro.
Speaking of Mt.K, here's my Granda's story of his trek:
"I had made my way to Nairobi, Kenya. Locally, I booked a 10-day, camping safari to see the wild animals. When we got close to the Tanzania border, I left the group and hitchhiked across the border to a town near the foot of Kilimanjaro and booked a guided climb up the mountain through a local agency that provided some warm clothing, a couple guides and a place to sleep for two nights before the climb. I stayed at the agency lodgings for two nights. In our group there was a Japanese journalist, a British biology teacher and a family of four--parents and two teenage boys. The guides carried all our stuff. I carried a water bottle, a hilking stick and a small day pack. The climb took three days. We slept in small A-frame huts that had 4 bunks each night The guide prepared all the meals in open-air pavilions near the huts. There was nothing technical about the climb, and there was no arduous claming until the last bit. We arrived at our overnight stop at about 1630 on the third day. We turned in right after supper as reveille was at midnight. I was to fired up to sleep. We began the last of the ascent at 0015. The guide carried a lantern and led the way. The footing was in loose scree (lava gravel). It was steep, and there was a tendency to slide backwards with each step--stout hiking stick is a must. Because of the surface, the steepness and the lack of oxygen the pace of the guide went like this: take three steps, stop, lean on stick for a 30-second rest, repeat. The goal was to get to the top before dawn (about 0600) to see the sunrise. By 0900, it clouds over every say and you see nothing. When we got to the top, I was exhausted. I sat do a big boulder and took a 30-minute power nap. The view was awsome. The Brit and I bounded down sliding through the scree and stepped lively to the overnight place. We spent only one night on the way down.
I am naturally a pretty decisive person, but in light of recent events I have become somewhat insecure I guess about my decision making. This decision has been the first I've made in a long time that I feel 100% confident about. Dar is a large city, but it is the safest in all of east Africa. In Dar I will be able to experience the true culture of Tanzania. But imagine you came to America and visited only New York City, you would never see the beaches in south Florida or the Mountains in Colorado. So I decided the best way to get a taste of both worlds of Africa, the nature and the culture, is to travel to Arusha after my internship is complete. The intention of this being to climb Mt.Kilimanjaro.
Speaking of Mt.K, here's my Granda's story of his trek:
"I had made my way to Nairobi, Kenya. Locally, I booked a 10-day, camping safari to see the wild animals. When we got close to the Tanzania border, I left the group and hitchhiked across the border to a town near the foot of Kilimanjaro and booked a guided climb up the mountain through a local agency that provided some warm clothing, a couple guides and a place to sleep for two nights before the climb. I stayed at the agency lodgings for two nights. In our group there was a Japanese journalist, a British biology teacher and a family of four--parents and two teenage boys. The guides carried all our stuff. I carried a water bottle, a hilking stick and a small day pack. The climb took three days. We slept in small A-frame huts that had 4 bunks each night The guide prepared all the meals in open-air pavilions near the huts. There was nothing technical about the climb, and there was no arduous claming until the last bit. We arrived at our overnight stop at about 1630 on the third day. We turned in right after supper as reveille was at midnight. I was to fired up to sleep. We began the last of the ascent at 0015. The guide carried a lantern and led the way. The footing was in loose scree (lava gravel). It was steep, and there was a tendency to slide backwards with each step--stout hiking stick is a must. Because of the surface, the steepness and the lack of oxygen the pace of the guide went like this: take three steps, stop, lean on stick for a 30-second rest, repeat. The goal was to get to the top before dawn (about 0600) to see the sunrise. By 0900, it clouds over every say and you see nothing. When we got to the top, I was exhausted. I sat do a big boulder and took a 30-minute power nap. The view was awsome. The Brit and I bounded down sliding through the scree and stepped lively to the overnight place. We spent only one night on the way down.
I
managed to get to a town where I could get a bus back to Kenya. I took
one to Mombassa on the east coast of Kenya. I made my way from there
up the coast to an island called
Lamu, which was a very pleasant place to visit for a week. I bummed a
ride in a two-seat piper cub back to Mombassa, then flew back to Nairobi
in a real plane. From there I hitched a ride to the foot of Mt. Kenya
to climb it. Save for the fact that I celebrated
my 53d birthday on top of Mt. Kenya with two Brit soldiers, two
Canadian school teachers and a U.S. ex-pat, splitting a Cadbury
chocolate bar in lieu of a cake as they sang "Happy Birthday" to me. "
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
My very first post: Tanzania!
Hi World, I've never had a blog before so bare with me as I figure this all out.
I am starting this blog today because I want a memory of the Adventure I have been embarking on for 19 years so far. I see life as an adventure, a never ending road with lots of twists and turns.
Yesterday I found out that after years of hoping, wishing, dreaming, researching, and begging my Dad to say yes, I will be going to Africa this summer! I have been selected to do a medical internship in TANZANIA! The program is through projects abroad which has internships and volunteers all around the world doing work in orphanages, nature, hospitals, and classrooms in the many developing and third world countries. I wanted to start this blog to have a memory from the beginning of planning this adventure to the end.
I have a lot on my plate, I should really be studying organic chemistry right now instead, but foremost I have to choose which city to do my internship. I can either choose Arusha or Dar Es Salaam. Dar is the largest city in Tanzania and known for its beautiful beaches. Arusha is still a city but much more rural. It is the pedestal for Mt.Kilimanjaro. The projects abroad desk staff recommend that a pre-med student choose Dar Es Salaam because the internship is in the local teaching hospital. While there I would be treated the same as 3rd year interns in medical school in America are treated. I would conduct rounds, learn how to administer medication and do basic need work, and do outreach programs in the slums of the city. The city is also rated the safest city on the east coast of Africa. In Arusha, I wouldn't be able to do as much hands-on learning. However, I would be closer to national parks and surrounded by the more stereotypical African lifestyle.
I think I will choose Dar Es Salaam and then at the finish of my internship fly to Arusha and CLIMB MOUNT KILIMANJARO! so many bucketlist items getting scratched off at one time! I am researching different groups that do climbs, one I recently found was through REI. I really want my Dad and sister to come meet me and do it with me but it is very expensive.
I'm going through one of my biggest life changes right now and all of this decision making is SO HARD!
oh yeah and then there is the task of raising 6000 dollars to be able to do my internship!
Thanks for reading, if anyone has info or advice please share and keep my journey in your prayers.
Sarah
I am starting this blog today because I want a memory of the Adventure I have been embarking on for 19 years so far. I see life as an adventure, a never ending road with lots of twists and turns.
Yesterday I found out that after years of hoping, wishing, dreaming, researching, and begging my Dad to say yes, I will be going to Africa this summer! I have been selected to do a medical internship in TANZANIA! The program is through projects abroad which has internships and volunteers all around the world doing work in orphanages, nature, hospitals, and classrooms in the many developing and third world countries. I wanted to start this blog to have a memory from the beginning of planning this adventure to the end.
I have a lot on my plate, I should really be studying organic chemistry right now instead, but foremost I have to choose which city to do my internship. I can either choose Arusha or Dar Es Salaam. Dar is the largest city in Tanzania and known for its beautiful beaches. Arusha is still a city but much more rural. It is the pedestal for Mt.Kilimanjaro. The projects abroad desk staff recommend that a pre-med student choose Dar Es Salaam because the internship is in the local teaching hospital. While there I would be treated the same as 3rd year interns in medical school in America are treated. I would conduct rounds, learn how to administer medication and do basic need work, and do outreach programs in the slums of the city. The city is also rated the safest city on the east coast of Africa. In Arusha, I wouldn't be able to do as much hands-on learning. However, I would be closer to national parks and surrounded by the more stereotypical African lifestyle.
I think I will choose Dar Es Salaam and then at the finish of my internship fly to Arusha and CLIMB MOUNT KILIMANJARO! so many bucketlist items getting scratched off at one time! I am researching different groups that do climbs, one I recently found was through REI. I really want my Dad and sister to come meet me and do it with me but it is very expensive.
I'm going through one of my biggest life changes right now and all of this decision making is SO HARD!
oh yeah and then there is the task of raising 6000 dollars to be able to do my internship!
Thanks for reading, if anyone has info or advice please share and keep my journey in your prayers.
Sarah
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